My silver-lining.

*LONG, TEARFUL POST ALERT* 

It’s wild how stillness has the power to change so much…our world as a whole, but also the world inside the head and home you’ve been isolated within.  

Truthfully, I thought I’d get by this quarantine relatively unscathed.  I’d just made it through cancer with my sanity still intact, so staying home didn’t seem like much.  And even with the uncertainty and disappointment that came with every cancelled opportunity, I still kept moving. The bubble burst for me 3 weeks ago.    

I lost my girl, Delaney.

Immediately, I was flattened by the reality of how losing a life plunges deeper than anything I’ve “overcome”.  

Because grief and “staying strong” are two very separate things.

Grief does not loosen its grip because you are resilient. 

Unfortunately, you must feel it all in order to move through it. I’ve been a mess.

Delaney is the end of an era.

Every chapter of my adult life.

Every adventure I’ve ever had.  Every “comeback” after a heartache.  Every hope entering a new season.  She was every silver-lining in my life from Nashville on. 

The kind of “free” that ran full-speed ahead, but only because she knew you were behind her. I get that.  Because I live that.

And then it dawns on me.

Not only was she the “unicorn” of all dogs, but also – this dog was the only one who TRULY understood my love because it was her kind of love too.

A little too independent but loyal to a fault.  Hates “all the fuss” and flattery.  Drawn to the river and the clarity of the outdoors. Older than our years.  

I could go on and on, but I’ve already said too much.  Delaney would not have approved this post or anyone “fussing” over her being gone. It just wasn’t her style. 

But she deserves all the praise, and I’ll continue to give it to her.

We were living the “our dogs are our children” life long before we found out that I couldn’t physically carry a child of my own.  It was inevitable that we’d be adding to the family.  

I searched high and low for weeks.  I filled out applications to foster or adopt with multiple rescue agencies but days turned into weeks and I still heard nothing back.  I’d respond to postings, only to find they were either scamming or that the dog was no longer available.  I posted to Facebook groups, received a bunch of leads that ultimately went nowhere.  It was salt to a very painful wound.

But then yesterday, while torturing myself yet again with another mid-afternoon scroll online, searching for another female dog under 50 lbs … I found HIM! 

Meet our new little man, OPIE 💙

(Yes, from The Andy Griffith Show!)

Ain’t it funny how differently “what we want” and “what we NEED” can look?  Ha! We are so excited! 

It is, honest-to-God, the craziest story of how this little guy even wound up online for me to find.

(And it deserves its own post.)

And that’s how I knew…

Yesterday was Delaney.

My forever silver-lining.

It’s a new season and new a chapter, whether we’re ready or not.  Here’s to trying our best to embrace it.